Smash Into You
by Echante
Summary: When Derek leaves, Addison breaks.


A/N: Mass fanfic... haha one of three updates... After Derek throws Addison out of the house.

XXXXXX

There was a certain point in Addison's life, when all the progress she'd made began to reverse, and the confidence she'd built up began to crumble. It was marked as the day she gave up, and she still quirks her eyebrow and scrunches her nose a bit when she thinks of it. She remembers the exact time, the place, the person, the weather, the color of the sheets, what she was wearing, what he was wearing, etc. The night it all came crashing down, she'd given up, and she'd been caught, and everything she'd ever had was lost. The night she gave up, was the night that Derek left. And from there, everything went backwards.

Mark left her after the first two weeks, apologizing profusely but saying that he couldn't deal with the silence; that he was beginning to go mad. She stared ahead, the prickles of disappointment becoming disjointed from her mind. Unable to register or comprehend she'd simply nodded and taken another swig of vodka.

He'd sent Savvy three days later, and Addison had stared straight on through, nodding and chewing when necessary. Her confidence had reached its finality, and the rest of her had stopped functioning. It was a defense mechanism, she knew, if she'd felt anything, she would have broken down.

So when Savvy failed, Naomi failed (having been flown into JFK on the red-eye) and Mark failed, she was left alone. She fed and clothed herself, maneuvered through her day, saw patients, plastered fake smiles on her face but the complacency was there. It was evident. She didn't converse, she only nodded, she refused to do anything except for return to her brownstone when work let out and go straight to the hospital when morning crept into the sky.

When the trance held for two months, Mark knew something had to be done. So he did the only thing he thought was left to do, he called Derek's mother, "Hello?" She replied surprised when she read the caller I.D.

"Mom?" he asked into the phone, and with relief that she didn't hate him he powered through, "Addison needs help."

When he hung up, Carolyn Shepherd was dialing a number and two hours later, Derek Shepherd was getting on a plane.

XXXXXX

"Hello?" he said to an empty house, feeling the echo reverberate through the hallway, "Addy? You there?"

No answer.

Puzzled he went through the kitchen and then into the living room and made his way towards the bedroom. There he stopped.

He found her.

She wasn't dead.

That was something.

She was barely breathing though, and he glared at the sheets that surrounded her body that was clad in sweats and a tank-top.

"She wore that to work." He jumps at the voice, a sound he hadn't heard in months.

"Mark." He greets darkly, "What are you doing here?"

The other man glared back, "Making sure she doesn't cut." He spat, "Where have you been?"

"None of your business."

"You just left."

"I had to."

"No." There's bitterness in his voice when he says it, "You didn't."

"You fucked my wife."

"You've been fucking with your wife for years."

"Well then," he scoffs, "you did a great job picking up the pieces."

"You ruined her. You fucked her up, I was just there." When he finally looked at Mark, he saw the grayness in his eyes, the fear ingrained in his cheeks, "She never needed me the way she needed you." He says, and then he picks up his jacket and leaves, turning briefly to say, "You owe her Derek, you really do."

And the door shuts behind him.

XXXXXX

The clocks ticked off the minutes and teased him mercilessly while he tried to grasp control of the situation. "Addy?" he whispered gently, shaking her back, "Wake up."

She didn't wake-up.

She turned over.

'Fuck.' He thought. On her back, Addison was a sight, black mascara dotting her eyelids and dripping down her face, pushed along by long dried tears. The red lipstick she wore several days ago had smeared across her lips, her red hair spread across the pillow in a tangled mess. She had fallen at last, and he was here as a witness.

"Addy?" He called again, "I need you to cooperate with me okay?"

She moaned in her sleep.

He gulped, he was in another relationship now, but Addison had always been seductive, which might have been why his mother never approved.

"Wake-up." He said again, harder, colder, "Addison, you have to wake up."

She opens her eyes and he takes a step back, swaggering. "Shit." He swore under his breath, she'd surprised him. She looked almost inhuman; her white skin even paler in the dark of night, and the mist despair that clung to her skin had hollowed her face. 'A fallen angel' he thought, 'really.'

"You came back." She tells him, voice monotone, and expression blank. She sat up and walked around and he noticed that the sweats that once fit comfortably around her hips were now threatening to fall off.

"I did."

"Who called you."

"My mother."

"So Mark called her."

"Probably."

"Okay." She stumbles into the bathroom and pukes a bit and then comes out brushing her teeth, "What do you want?" she asks.

"I was worried." He says, wincing.

She laughs, "You don't worry."

"I was!" He protested.

"When my mother was teetering on the edge of life, did you come and support me? When I had a miscarriage two weeks into my pregnancy, did you even know I was pregnant?"

He remains silent.

She snorts, "No. You didn't even have a clue. Probably because I didn't even see you in those two weeks… but Mark noticed. That's why I slept with him. Because he loves me."

He remained rigid but asked the question, "Do you love him?"

She sucks in a sharp breath and looks down, pausing a beat. When she finally turns her head back up her eyes have filled with tears, "No." she says, "I don't think I know how anymore."

He kisses her.

He grabs her and kisses her violently and she tangles her hands into his hair, gasping as his mouth meshes into hers again and again, moaning as his teeth scrape her tongue.

When the midnight seeps into twilight, he opens his eyes and finds himself wrapped around a stick that used to be his wife. 'What happened Addy?' he thinks as he kisses her on top of her head, 'What happened to you?'

The only answer she offers is a sigh in her sleep because somehow, he already knows, that this was all his fault.


End file.
